Did Anti-Tobacco Extremists cause Iceland’s Volcanic Eruption?

Highly classified information rumored to be possessed by Interpol suggest that the recent volcanic eruptions in Iceland were not an accident. Instead, it was a carefully planned operation by the Anti-Swedish Snus Nazi’s to disrupt shipments of live-saving Swedish Snus to former smokers and smokers in the United States and around the world!

Just minutes ago, the Voice of Russia reported the following: Half of all transatlantic flights have been cancelled due to Iceland’s volcano eruption, says Eurocontrol, – the European Organization for the Safety of Air Navigation, in an official statement. 6,000 flights have been cancelled across Europe. Almost the whole of the North Sea water area is covered in drifting ash from the Icelandic volcano with an unpronounceable name of Eyjafjallajoekull. The last time the volcano erupted was back in 1821.

From Sweden, Norway to the UK are reporting extensive flight delays because of the huge clouds of ash being shot into the atmosphere by Eyjafjallajoekull. SnusCIA officials received an emergency message from Moe UNZ, beleaguered Manager of SnusCentral.com in Sweden. His urgent text message drove the seriousness of situation home; It could be delays for customers when flights are cancelled. This apply both the post and UPS.

Moments later, SnusCIA Signal Intelligence intercepted tweet from Stockholm:  New information! All SAS flights will be cancelled until at least midnight April 17 (00.00) 2010.

This will affect ALL e-Snus stores in Sweden, Norway, and snuff stores in the UK. This is not a coincidence, according to SnusCIA Analysts secretly meeting around the SnusCENTRAL water cooler. Oh sure, there is collateral damage like Iceland melting and possibly breaking apart. The huge ash cloud will reach North America and could conceivably cause a nuclear winter scenario. There could be chaos world-wide and wide-spread destruction of food supplies. But don’t be fooled for a minute by these diversionary events. The real reason this is all happening is because of Anti-Swedish Snus Terrorists!

Consider for a moment that the last time Eyjafjallajoekull erupted was in 1821. According to sources who know someones brother who once worked in the Vatican Archives, this eruption was a failed attempt to stop JF Ljungolf and his partner JJ Berzilius from inventing Ettan Snus. Ettan was the first modern pasteurized snus; a process which would change the snus and tobacco world forever. Ljungolf and Berzilius introduced Ettan Snus in 1822. Coincidence? Not likely.

Fast forward to 2009-2010. Internet sales of Swedish/Scandinavian Snus were at an all-time high. Snus manufacturers in Sweden and Denmark were introducing new products at a record pace. An entire new vertical of high nicotine snus products flooded the market during the second half of 2009. These products were not designed for the Swedish market but for the Norwegian and American markets where focus groups in both countries demanded higher nicotine levels.

New “American” flavors were created to combat the corruption of Real Snus by American Big Tobacco’s snus-like products. Camel Frosted SNUS was having a great time among the unknowing American population until Swedish Match developed and marketed General Mini Mint Dry Portion Snus. It left Camel Frosted broken and bleeding in the mud. General Mini Mint was so successful that Swedish Match has now introduced General Mint Large White Portion; the same snus as Mini Mint but in a regular portion size with commensurate nicotine levels.

Wintergreen, non-traditional fruit and exotic flavors targeting American cigarette smokers and dippers looking to switch to a much less harmful form of tobacco…..99% less harmful than cigarettes…were rolling out of the Scandinavian snus factories. And wherever they showed up in America, Camel SNUS, Marlboro Snus, and all the others were quickly spit into the trashcan.

Big American Tobacco took notice and worked to ram through The Tobacco Act and especially The PACT Act in an attempt to knock Real Snus from the American market. A funny thing happened when the Smoker-in-Chief, President Obama quietly signed The PACT Act into law. Internet snus sales began increasing. The 60 Minutes story on snus was broadcast that Sunday and Swedish-based eSnus stores sales exploded…..for all of them.

People suddenly wanted to try this soon to be forbidden snus. Since Swedish/Scandinavian snus can be frozen for up to a year after the expiration date, current Real Snus lovers in the USA began stocking up in a big way. This did not please RJRT or Altria, but it really sent the Anti-All-Tobacco Extremists off the deep end! The American Smoker and Dip user must NOT learn about REAL Swedish/Scandinavian snus! This had to be stopped at all costs until PACT would take effect!

They had to stop or slow snus shipments from Sweden to the US somehow. Blowing up the snus factories would be too obvious and public opinion could turn against them. And then one of the Anti-Tobacco Nazi’s remembered 1821……

How these intolerant zealots were able to cause Eyjafjallajoekull to erupt with such fury is still speculation and classified rumors. At first is was thought a low-yield nuclear weapon; perhaps one of the old Soviet Union’s suitcase nukes which had vanished after the USSR fell was the catalyst. Radiation detectors failed to pick up the necessary signature of a nuclear explosion, however.

The working scenario as of now, allegedly, is that millions of pounds of expired American snus was dumped by planes into the mouth of The Volcano literally exploded in an attempt to vomit the vile un-snus from it’s core. If true, this attack on the planet Earth itself causes global warming, strip mining, whale killing, forest clear-cutting, and clubbing baby seals to pale in comparison!

The truth will eventually be known, assuming Iceland doesn’t melt, break up, and collapse into the sea and the Sun isn’t blotted out for 30 years from the ash hanging in the atmosphere. These secondary concerns aside, the survival and continued flow of Swedish snus to the US and the rest of the world is the only thing sane people should be focusing on. About 800 people were evacuated from Iceland a little while ago. Compare that to the 45 million current American cigarette smokers who will die for no reason except they were kept from Swedish Snus.

America has plenty of room in Alaska for the entire population of Iceland. Sarah Palin could lead the relocation effort. Or if the citizens of Iceland would like a warmer climate, Haiti and Liberia in particular have shown a complete inability to govern themselves for centuries. I’m sure they would welcome Iceland relocating and establishing a real government and functioning economy for them. The UN would certainly help with the process….they and the rest of the world has been poring billions of (mostly American) dollars down the drain there with little to show for it but corruption, disease, and poverty for decades.

The key point in all this is REAL Snus. It comes from Sweden. Keep ordering and be patient if your orders take longer than usual to arrive. Planes are getting out so for some Scandinavian Snus consumers in America, it will be as though nothing happened. For others, days could be added.

To be safe, order quickly and often. You need freezer stock anyway; either to hold off PACT’s effect on your life or to survive the nuclear winter the volcanic ash may bring to the planet. Don’t wait until you are down to your last 4 cans before ordering. That’s what Big American Tobacco wants….either to force you back to smoking or into chain-snusing their horribly flavored, intentionally under-nicotined snus-like products. DON’T let them WIN!

In the end, these anti-tobacco extremists will be caught (if they’re responsible) and force-fed Camel SNUS and Marlboro Snus until their brains explode from the horror. Geneva Convention be damned; this is War!

Covertly yours,

The SnusCENTRAL Intelligence Agency
Fighting the Secret War for your Snus