Monday, 17 October 2011 19:09

Snus News and Snus Lord Moe Unz is back!

Written by Moe Unz
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As I always say after I am cut off at the local pub, "I shall return!" and I have.  This is me, Moe Unz, back in my rightful place as Snus eStore Manager of SnusCentral.com.

As you certainly remember, back on 27 September the SnusCIA reported the sudden death of SnusCentral.com Chairman of the Board Grandma Unz, a revolt by the Board of Directors, and my wrongfully being fired.  Their report listed me as lying on a hospital floor in critical condition from alcohol poisoning and not expected to survive.

The SnusCIA may be very clever, but they did not understand the strength of my genetically superior liver.  I woke up about 14 hours later and left for the SnusCentral Snus Store.  After a quick stop for some beer, I arrived to discover Grandma's Will had been discovered and I now owned 49% of SnusCentral.com!

After beating the traitorous Board Members with my broom, we came to an agreement on going on into the future.

I would be reinstated as Manager of the SnusCentral Snus eStore but with one big change.  Since it was exposed I was helpless in using a calculator and had no accounting sense, I am not allowed to set the pricing anymore.  That doesn't mean I can't beat the CFO with my broom to keep the prices as low as possible while still staying in business.  I enjoy doing that and will keep fighting to deliver you lower prices than anyone else.

Annika and her Customer Service Team are still hard at work giving you the best customer service in the snus business.  I personally test a can of each snus as it arrives to make sure it is the freshest it can be.  That is a hard job but someone has to do it.

Grandma Unz is still dead and will probably remain so.  Her death is still considered suspicious by the Lidköping Police and continues under investigation.

The most important thing is that I, Moe Unz, am back running SnusCentral.com.  I am sure you find this as exciting as I do.

Swedish Match Snus News

Our friends at Swedish Match have been very busy while I was gone.

Lab Series 06 Extra Strong Portion Snus, their first Ultra Strong snus having 20mg/gr of nicotine was released, then unreleased, and now is being re-released on 24 October.  We should have it back in stock very shortly afterwards.  Larry really liked the first version of 06 and is bothering me with emails about when I will ship him Lab Series 06.5.  Larry can be a pain in my buttocks sometimes.

He is also bothering me about the 7 November release of Kardus Carnival Blend 2011.  Thanks to Norway being allocated 200 of the 600 boxes of Kardus 2011 produced this year, SnusCentral.com is only being allocated 30 boxes.  I am meeting with Markus Ersmark of Swedish Match later this week.  My broom and I will attempt to convince him to increase our allocation.

This year's Kardus is reported to be amazingly wonderful.  If you do not wish to be left coughing on diesel fumes as the snus bus drives away, I would strongly recommend pre-ordering your Kardus Carnival from us as soon as possible.  Unless Markus has made special arrangements for me and Larry, we only have 28 boxes of Kardus which can be sold.  I did beat our CFO with my broom for the best possible price we could offer Kardus 2011 at.

Other Snus News and a party in Denmark

The Team from the SnusCentral Snus eStore plus Larry and his wife visited Denmark 7 weeks ago to celebrate the 5th Anniversary of V2 Tobacco, makers of the snus brands Thunder, Off Road, Phantom and some others you enjoy but are made for other companies.

The SnusCIA is forbidding me from discussing anything else which happened at the V2 5th Anniversary Celebration.  As the saying goes, what happens in Silkeborg stays in Silkeborg.

Congratulations to V2 and to me, Moe Unz.  Enjoy your snus!

MOE UNZ
Snus Legend and Manager
The Snus Shop at SnusCentral.com

Read 2114 times Last modified on Saturday, 17 May 2014 17:43

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